If you’re as nerdy as me, I think you’d better follow me on Twitter and we’ll talk about Zergling rushes and three-Gate forges together.

My Twitter Profile

This is where we started

Then I found this

Then, in honour of my blog banner, I mashed them together:

Get 'im fly!

I cropped ‘em, trimmed around the fly using the lasso tool, merged the layers and then brightened up the levels and altered the size.

Fun!

I’m good – I’m currently having my ass kicked in pool by my tour manager. I was expecting this to happen. I’m really not very good at pool so I have only myself to blame for getting into the game in the first place.

You’re not just hustling them?

No, it really is just not my forte in life.

Singer / songwriter Frank Turner, upset that you used all his plates and haven't washed any of them

“English Curse” – is that song based on a traditional English song, or did it require a little historical research on your part about William The Conqueror?

Stylistically, it’s very much written to sound like a traditional. But it isn’t one – I wrote the melody myself. But then, at the same time, it’s using a scale that a lot of traditional English songs do use, and then just little things like repeating the first verse at the end like pretty much all traditional songs use. It’s kind of written to sound like that.

I’m from near the New Forest, that’s kind of where I grew up and, because I’m literally the coolest person you’ve ever met, I was reading up on some books about local folk lore and myths and legend and that kind of thing and I found this story about ‘The Blacksmith’s Curse’ and the death of King William II. It was just one of those things that the minute I read it I was just like ‘man, I am going to use that in a song’. Then it just sort of came together, so, there it is.

The cover of William the Conqueror's second LP, Norman Rocks Well

Can you describe that story, as you understand it?

Basically, King William II was killed in a hunting accident in New Forest. His father William the Conqueror, King William I, was a Norman king who invaded England in 1066. In the aftermath of the invasion, an awful lot of normal people’s land was confiscated by the crown and turned into royal hunting grounds and it caused a lot of resentment. There’s basically a local legend that the reason William II was killed in some of those hunting grounds was because locals had placed a curse on him for stealing their land in the first place.

I saw a video of you performing “Glory Hallelujah” online, and I was wondering do you give a sort of disclaimer before you play it each night? – where you remind people that you’re giving your own opinions

I don’t think that I have to, in the sense that I could quite happily not, but I definitely choose to. That’s a song that I felt like I had to write but, at the same time, I spent an awfully long time working on the words to make sure that the tone of it was right and the message of it was clear. I think the important thing is that it’s not supposed to be mean or vicious in any way. It’s not supposed to be “I’m right, and if you disagree with me you’re an idiot” It’s not supposed to have that feel to it. I don’t want to be jamming my finger into the chest of anybody who is religious in any way. That’s not the idea. Hopefully that comes across in the song. It’s supposed to be a joyous song and a celebration. At the same time, it does piss people off and I’ve had some pretty stern email correspondence about it and I’ve seen people leaving shows where I’ve played it. Obviously it’s going to be a touchy subject for some people but at the same time I feel like if I’d written something and then didn’t play it that would be a little cowardly.

Not a pub menu

I like how that song sort of complements the single “I Still Believe” which is almost like a gospel for the history of rock. Is rock, with its legends and apostles, a surrogate for religion, is it a religion itself?

Yeah it can be. I don’t try to deny that there’s a religious impulse in people and I certainly understand that. I’m not even necessarily talking about the desire to kind of come up with a salve for the essential blackness of impending death and non-existence. There’s also the need to be joyous and celebrate. And I guess, yeah, rock and roll fills that hole in my life. The other thing too about that song is that, when I was on tour in China actually, and the rock and roll scene over there is very young and new. The kids involved in it were so excited about rock and roll in and of itself; about playing three chords and playing loud and fast and shouting and jumping up and down – all the things that are essential to rock and roll and all the things that we take for granted because we live in a culture that is so saturated with rock and roll. It was so exciting to see people be so stoked about the whole thing, basically. It really made me think that it doesn’t hurt to remind ourselves, every now and again, how lucky we are to have this incredible cultural thing in our lives.

I love the concept of your video for “The Road” – playing 24 shows in 24 hours. When did the shoot for that video take place and how far did you end up travelling for it?

The video shoot was in the summer of 2009, I believe. Basically, all the shoots took place in the greater London area and we had a schedule mapped out and everything. We did actually do it. We didn’t cheat. It was 24 performances in 24 hours. It was the kind of thing that was a great idea on paper, and also, it came out to be a great video that I’m very proud of. I think it’s a cool video. At the same time, there was a long period of time about halfway through the shoot, where it really wasn’t any fun at all. It was just dragging ourselves around and me saying ‘who fucking came up with this idea?’, then remembering of course, that I did. So, my fault. But there was definitely some moments where it was like ‘I don’t ever want to do this again’.

Did it take some convincing to get friends to let you play at their houses in the wee hours of the morning?

No, not at all. That was probably almost the easiest part. I put something out on my blog on the run up to shooting the video and said, ‘look, we need people who live in the Greater London Area who want me to come around their house. You tell me what time to come around, and also we’re going to need people to let me come around in the small hours of the morning’. We got hundreds of people. In a way, the hardest part was choosing the right ones to go to, because we had to sort of route things in a way that made geographical sense as well.

Do you relate differently to your material that has been released on splits compared to songs that get put on EPs or LPs?

Not particularly. To be honest, most of the time it’s more the case that the split comes together after the songs have been recorded. It’s like, ‘shall we with so and so?’, ‘Let’s choose a song to go with it.’ That kind of thing. It’s a cool thing to do. I certainly feel very happy to have my name on the same piece of vinyl as Tim Barry, for example, but it doesn’t change my attitude towards the songs.

Frank, yawning mid G# chord. It's a toughy.

“Live Fast, Die Old” off Poetry of the Deed – is that a twist on the common punk rock phrase, or is it a reference to David Brent in The Office?

Kind of both at the same time, I would say. I like to add at least a little twist of wry humour to what I do. I think that music that doesn’t have a little bit of a sense of humour to it is like people who don’t have a sense of humour – otherwise known as tedious arseholes. It’s kind of fun to have the David Brent thing there as well.

I think sometimes people overlook that folk music is often passed down, and some of the most successful folk musicians had their biggest hits by doing covers. What are some of your favourite songs to cover?

I absolutely love doing covers. I have a little bit of an encyclopedic brain for playing songs by other people. I know how to play an awful lot of songs, but the ones I quite often don’t bother playing are the ones where my version of it would be sort of the same as the original. So if I’m actually going to do a cover at a show, rather than just playing it for my own enjoyment for a bunch of friends, then I want to come up with a twist on it; do something slightly different. So yeah, I’ll cover anything really. I like covering Tori Amos, I like covering Regina Spektor, I like covering the Police, whatever you want really.

Have you found that becoming a solo musician, and touring with different groups than you ever did with Million Dead, has opened you up to a different type of fan?

Yeah, definitely. In a way, that’s something I’m quite consciously in favour of, and proud of having achieved to the extent that I have. Without for a minute wanting to be disrespectful in what I’m about to say, Million Dead’s fanbase was kind of like angry 18 to 21-year-old kids in black jeans and Against Me! T-shirts, you know what I mean? I think I was actually one of those people whilst in that band, and that’s fine and there’s nothing wrong with that sort of approach to life, but I love the fact that these days at my shows you’ll get old folkies, young punk kids, you’ll get metal kids, skate kids, and normal mainstream kids or whatever – all together in the same place. It’s a really wide variety of people. I think people who wouldn’t otherwise encounter each other at a show will be next to one another at my shows, and that’s something I’m definitely proud of.

Just glad as hell to have found that hat

Is there a sub-grouping of your fans who haven’t heard anything you recorded, say, before 2005?

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I would say the majority of people in the UK now have reached a point where they don’t know who Million Dead are. Which is to say, they may know the name, but they may not know the records. I mean, just in terms of number of records sold or anything like that. If all of them have heard, they haven’t all paid for it, let’s put it that way.

"You'd better have gotten that Batman reference in the title, scumbag"

I’m not alone. There is a definite cult devotion to this guy who seriously wants a true-to-the-source solid R Deadpool flick and who have felt that way since he first appeared on the big screen (kind of) in the X-Men prequel “Wolverine Origins”. A lot of people were disappointed by the direction he took in that film. After a promising introduction as the renegade sword-wielding mercenary on Wolverine and Sabretooth’s squad, Deadpool’s image was tarnished as his mouth was sewn shut and he was inexplicably given retractable arm swords ala Baraka.

As of late last year, the writing team of Rhett Reese and Paul Werneck – who were responsible for Zombieland – were the guys who were putting together a script for the Deadpool film. I loved Zombieland, thought it took on the zombie genre in a really innovative way, and think those two are a great fit for old DP. It also helps that Reese apparently feels the same way as I do about the character:

“Various writers have tackled him and I think that particular club of people have always enjoyed being able to just go places with a character that you wouldn’t be able to go with any other character. Because he’s completely crazy. That’s the joy of writing him. You don’t have to place any limits on decorum, or what might pop into his head, what reference he might make to pop culture. He’ll go anywhere and say anything and that’s the joy of writing him.”

And, for what it’s worth, so does the character’s creator Robert Liefeld:

“Dear FOX studios, get your act together. Deadpool is not Green Lantern, not a family film. DP is “filthy” think Expendables $$ w/ RR”

“Also FOX, find your balls and film the script from Rheese[sic] and Wernick. You will make loads of money and thank yourself later.”

-         via Twitter

But what gives Deadpool fans this conviction? Why are they so determined that he be given his fair chance too? It’s a bit of a muddle but I think there are two reasons: first, as mentioned by Reese, he’s crazier than any other superhero out there. He does things other costumed heroes would never do. Not only does this open up all sorts of bad ass anti-hero scenarios that you just can’t tell when you’re making a movie about the usual good guys, but it also opens up limitless different ways these scenarios can twist, unfold, and unravel. Some of my favourite Deadpool comics have ended with some really surprising splash panels. In Deadpool #1 in the Invasion event he pledges allegiance to the Krull invaders. In a particularly memorable issue of Cable & Deadpool wherein Deadpool is playing the role of the noir hard-boiled detective, he comes to realize that he’s the murderer he was investigating.

Waiting for his movie to come out

The craziness also lends some creative possibilities to the person writing his dialogue. One of the cool things about his character is his general awareness of being in a comic book. This is related in his often dueling internal monologues, and of course through his trademark breaking of the fourth wall, wherein he might explain the clichéd predicament he and his comrades find themselves in, in relation to how the same situation fared for a famous gold or silver age Marvel comic hero. I can’t imagine a feature Deadpool movie without at least a couple of nods to his post-modern awareness of himself and the medium – although I concede it might be a little difficult to clarify that Deadpool has got at least two and occasionally three inner voices, each with their own bit to contribute.

Deadpool references a lot more than comics though. Deadpool will drop movie and television quotes at the drop of a hat whenever he thinks it will be comically or situationally apt. It makes no difference to him if those around him have seen the film he’s referencing or if it is at all relevant to what’s going on. He just says it. That’s crazy in his world, and other characters often call him out for this behaviour, but let me tell you, in my world it’s about as real as it gets. That’s why I feel justified in my next premise: Deadpool is more normal than any other super hero out there.

Wade Wilson is known to get star struck, and act out some real hero worship when around the major heavies. He’s ugly as sin, but in his own mind he’s a lady’s man. And sometimes he actually does the right thing and gets the girl anyways. However, as a perennial C-lister he’s also dealt with some serious inferiority complex issues. Isn’t it just perfect that he’s Canadian too?

In closing, I just think he’s a great character that would make a pretty interesting, potentially hilarious, and at the very least entertaining film. I’m not sure what to make of the recent cancellation of two different runs of Deadpool comics, but, I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of him.

In some other peculiar comic-related news, Stan Lee is making NHL-tie in heroes in something called the Guardian Project; and Conan O’Brien has a character based on himself on a show called ‘Young Justice’ called the Flaming C. He has a steamy oven mitt.

***

Having just read an article from Escapistmagazine.com about how peculiarly relatable Tina Fey’s character Liz Lemon is on the hit NBC show 30 Rock – which I highly recommend, both the show and the article - I couldn’t help but think about the ramifications of one line in particular from Ms. Grunewald’s piece:

“She’s a bastion of normalcy. She’s not like so many female characters on television today, police officers and doctors who may experience turmoil in their lives, but are designed without recognizable human flaws.”

… and I guess what I got from that statement is the notion of how similar some of my favourite DC and Marvel superheroes are to these female police officers and doctors: experiencing turmoil in their lives, but designed without recognizable human flaws.

Uh oh. Better get a new one

Okay, quick explanation. Sure, Tony Stark like-ie the booze in Iron Man 2. Bruce Wayne is slightly miffed over the tragic death of his folks one night in Crime Alley. Steve Rogers feels the occasional moment of alienation in these newfangled modern times. But these guys are still so high functioning in their day jobs (or night jobs, as the case may be) as to render these flaws moot.  A little alcohol dependency didn’t prevent Tony Stark from defeating Justin Hammer and Whiplash, or improving his life sustaining ARC reactor.

These are supermen (by reputation, if not by name) and I think they’ve always had the kind of appeal that they have because of their abilities that set them above us: their discipline, their athleticism, their bravery. And that’s where my realm of interest diverges from that of Ms. Grunewald’s. As she puts it (in a different article, but with some similar themes and ideas):

“If these characters [from shows like 30 Rock and Arrested Development] lived in a non-fictional sense… my life would be no different. I probably wouldn’t know them, and the events in their lives would have little to no influence on mine.”

If Iron Man, Batman, and Captain America were cavorting around you can bet it would have somewhat of an influence on people’s lives, in as much as their actions would receive top billing in the local media. If they managed to pull off some of grand acts of heroics the news might even go international. Of course, if they just stuck to preventing car jackings or pegging thugs like your Matt Murdocks or your Frank Castles or Phoenix Jones’ than they might remain as more of an (underground phenomena).

Where's my Giant Man movie dammit?

Well, it’s these acts of grand heroics people have been flooding box offices to come check out. But it’s not like you can just throw a cape on a guy, throw some paint on the face of another guy, and make him hold onto a bag with a dollar sign on it, and you’re going to make a million dollars.

When Dark Knight came out, Batman was practically a can’t miss franchise since it has so much history in movies by this point. Iron Man was a little more surprising of a success since, for most people, the saga of Anthony Stark was a little Anthony Vague. Of course you had Robert Downey, Jr. to star, not to mention a fairly straightforward (and awesome) origin story with a retell-ability (if not relatability) on par with that of Batman’s. I mean he engineers the vehicle of his own escape from captivity! He’s a bloody Andy Dufresne with repulsor beams.

Will as many people check out unrelatable men 35 through 37 in the coming months when Thor, Green Lantern and Captain America hit theatres? Or will these prototypical uber-hunks be the tipping point where people decide ‘you know what? Fuck super heroes!’ as they once turned on Westerns or Paulie Shore?

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! THIS DESK FROM IKEA!

Having never been much of a fan, I can’t speak to that of Hal Jordan, but Thor and Captain America, at their core, have some pretty solid origins to base a film off of – even if they have been rebooted and reimagined and ‘alternate dimensioned’ almost beyond recognition.

Thor is banished from Asgard to Midgard (Earth) after angering his father (Odin) and must redeem himself, in large part by thwarting the evil deeds of his brother (Loki) who has his eyes on the throne of Asgard.

Steve Rogers becomes Captain America during World War 2 after being injected by the super soldier syrum (which is dusted off in the most recent Incredible Hulk film to aid the military in fighting off the Angry Green Giant) and… is thawed out of a glacier in the 21st century for some reason. Okay, not as great a story – but definite potential. The biggest thing I see going against these films is the sheer number of characters they’ll be cramming in to please fans and for possible sequelling purposes.

They’ll definitely spend some time fleshing out the rogue galleries in these pictures to give a better understanding of the motivations of the villains (I’m guessing, Loki = evil and Nazis = evil); but they’d better not do it at the expense of developing ol’ Goldilocks and the Star Spangled Avenger, because there sure won’t be much time dedicated to exploring flaws and depth of humanity by the time they roll out the crusader-crammed Avengers film. Maybe they’ll make one brief picturesque character piece for each guy doing his own thing in his own respective city or environment before we hear a mighty ‘AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!’ shout and shit starts to go down… It’s already giving me goosebumps.

But what I’m really trying to get at is that these pin up heroes lack some of the qualities that define us everyday saps as living, breathing people. You’ve got to put in a little work to take them off the page and put them on the big screen in a manner that is at all believable. There aren’t any thought bubbles in the movies. And there probably won’t be a helpful editor narrating every little detail.

Deadpool: A bastion of normalcy

This may have been kind of an oblique way of getting to my secret ulterior motive… but it is for this reason I think the world needs a Deadpool movie. Because he is a bastion of normalcy.

Now, I know – he’s not the most likable guy in the Marvel universe. And, as a world class mercenary with an implanted mutant healing factor arguably stronger than that of Wolverine’s (which is seemingly put to the test more often), he’s not exactly the most relatable fellow either.

But let me try to construct a case for why Deadpool could make for a better film than some of those other bozos that have led the way…

next time.

Sadly, my pleas for criticism of Fox McCloud and his Arwing crewmates went unfulfilled… until now.

Like anyone who’s ever played one of the Star Fox games, I know that when you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself… because Slippy sure as hell won’t be taking care of business.

(Gridlock)

We're heading to Aquas!

Back in 1997, when I first heard that Star Fox would be coming to the N64, I imagined that the transformation from SNES to the new system would involve a switch not unlike the one that took place between Super Mario Kart and Mario Kart 64; that is, new characters, new levels, and new power ups in order to bolster the already strong core of characters and story; and, of course, better graphics. While my expectations were not fully met in that regard, I was impressed how the same recycled worlds, characters, objectives, and power ups merged so well with just a couple new planets, vehicles, enemies, and cool 3D features to result in a compact and almost infinitely re-playable space shooter that still felt distinct from the original.

I don’t mean to sound too overly critical towards a game I have spent countless hours enjoying, so I must preface my gripes by saying that I have personally spent many hours trying to best my own scores (learning every cheesy bit of dialogue across every possible level path along the way). So, with that out of the way, I think it’s fair to start by laying out the once common complaint: that Star Fox 64 is essentially the same game – taking place in the same world between the same characters – as the 1993 SNES incarnation.

No attempt is made to suggest that it’s a sequel.

No, after Dylan Cuthbert’s ill-fated Star Fox 2 for the SNES – canned in 1995 due to the impending release of the next-gen Nintendo 64, Miyamoto reimagined Star Fox 64 as a ‘re-make’, or a truly realized version of the first game. He didn’t exactly publicize that in the lead up to the game, from what I recall.

Basically what you have is the galactic imperial power Corneria, a relatable-looking blue planet, asserting its military might on the followers of the scientist Andross, who has been quarantined at the polar opposite end of the solar system on the gaseous titan Venom. On the way to putting down Andross’ powerful legion of fighters, the Great Fox and the mercenary Star Fox attack squad – seemingly more effective than the entirety of the Cornerian navy – pass through hostile locations like Sector X, Sector Y, Sector Z, Titania, MacBeth, and Fortuna, eventually doing battle with Andross’ surreally disembodied head. While the level-advancement system branches off in a non-linear fashion, the vast majority of levels involve the linear elimination of baddies followed by the destruction of an apparently strategically important boss. Stop me when this starts to sounds any different from the SNES version.

Say hello to the new boss, just like the old boss

The boss fights in several of the early levels are even left more or less unaltered. At least they made Andross look like he actually does in the dialogue box in the N64 game, instead of the weird German Expressionist nightmare that turned up on the SNES. As a means of comparison, just look at the vastly different worlds Mario explores in Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World, and Super Mario 64. Sure, you fight Bowser’s kids as bosses in Mario 3 and Mario World, but the fights take place in different countries, and the Koopa’s bases switch from flying fortresses to gothic castles. On the other hand, Fox and his crew fight a hovering battleship in the Corneria stage, and a rock-breaking space shuttle in the asteroid field stage in much the same fashion in both games.

The battles against Roy, Larry and Wendy, for example, all took on dynamic individual differences in their second appearances in Super Mario World.

Power ups like the turbo laser and the bomb also remained more or less the same in both Fox games; they were rendered better but functioned the same, and even used the same little music cues when they were picked up. As far as I can tell, there were no added raccoon tail leaves or cape feathers to impress returning players. If the story structure and power ups didn’t improve much between games, you can at least point to the development of the 3D ‘all-range mode’ and an array of dog-fighting maneuvers as some quality next-generation add-ons.

R-U-M-B-L-E!

I also think that the few additions made to the cast of the game were thoughtful and served the purpose of fleshing out the Star Fox crew and their past. Since the entire original cast – right down to General Pepper, the McGruff-the-Crime-Dog-looking commander – was back for Star Fox 64, I was shocked to discover the introduction of a new rival team known as Star Wolf upon my first trip to Fortuna. Star Wolf are also mercenary types working for Andross, sort of the mirror image of the goody-goods in Star Fox. The team is led by the eponymous Wolf and includes an Iguana named Leon, Andross’ nephew Andrew, and Pigma – the dastardly traitor who was with Peppy and Fox’s father on their original mission to take out Andross. That fateful mission is just hinted at during several missions in the game, and I think it’s cool that only a precisely chosen mission across the solar system would unravel and satisfactorily resolve Fox’s need to avenge his father’s death. Just one of the factors, along with my desire to conquer every possible planet, that kept me coming back to the game again and again. Star Wolf also turn up on Bolse and Venom and I think the dialogue thrown back and forth between Falco and Leon hints at some epic past battles, again enhancing the sense that the Lylat System and its inhabitants share some real history.

Some other additions are ROB-64, a robot aboard the Great Fox who regularly supplies Fox with some goodies he may or may not be in need of; Bill, a greyhound that the team must help out during a distinctly Independence Day-esque invasion sequence on Katina; and Katt, a babe Fox seems to have some sort of romantic history with encountered on Zoness. Next; the vehicles. The Landmaster and The Blue Marine levels, on Titania, Macbeth and Aquas, respectively, are some of my favourites simply for the spice of variety they bring into the game. The Landmaster is a hovering, barrel rolling tank – and riding the rails of the Macbeth base in order to take out a train and then a weapons factory is, in my opinion, more badass than anything else you could do in the other first wave N64 titles. If there had also been a level where the team went in on foot I think it truly would’ve made the game memorable as a diverse tactical military experience… even if they were cute little talking cartoon animals. As it is, attacking on foot is still available in multiplayer, provided you’ve unlocked the proper medals in story mode.

You're clearly compensating, Falco

That being said, I still have trouble fathoming what purpose was served in the name of the Cornerian interests by attacking the giant oyster thing on Aquas, or the rock dragon guy on Solar, the Lylat System’s star. Sure, there’s some aquatic life and possibly some resources on Aquas, but there aren’t too many examples of science fiction sagas where victory of a massive interplanetary war is determined by one side’s control of the topography of the sun by a single lava beast. For good reason; it’s just silly.

Surely, the Star Fox team did far more damage to the ecosystems of Aquas and Solar than Andross’ ‘Bio-weapons’ ever could have done. Will no one think of the migratory sun birds? Have you become so callous, Star Fox team, that you have stopped thinking about whether or not you SHOULD do something, and become more concerned about simply whether or not you CAN do something?

“This baby can take temperatures up to 9000 degrees!”

Touché, Slippy. Touché.

I don’t feel that way about the rest of that deeply flawed travesty, however.

I’ve done some math and a little research, and broken down the list into a number of categories. The first, and one that brings some interesting issues to light, is gender.

Male characters: 64

Female Characters: 39

(A few ‘guy and girl’ duos that they’ve listed as single spots to conserve space have been divided into two spots by me for increased accuracy, driving my count up to 103 characters. These duos include Jack and Karen from Will and Grace, Allie and Noah from The Notebook, and Mulder and Scully from The X-Files. Also, just to be clear, Tyler Perry’s ‘Madea’ is being considered a female character as, for all intents and purposes, that is what he intends her to be.)

However, even 103 is playing a little conservative, as EW have also treated several same-sex duos as one character. Adding in extra ticks for Beavis AND Butt-head, and Thelma AND Louise, etc., the total shifts to:

Male characters: 71

Female characters: 41

The total ratio closely matches the Top Ten ratio (Seven boys to three girls). Clearly the percentage is in favour of the male characters. Even if you draw out some of the more gender non-specific characters like Elmo and The Gorillaz, men still dominate. Male characters also hold the longest consecutive streak within the list, taking up spots 48-43.

I only mention that consecutive streak of male characters to make clear that, if the list had been made to truly represent the best characters of the past 20 years, instead of just to plug the current projects of some current Hollywood A-listers (if I wrote the list, for example) the female characters peppered throughout the list would be ousted; there would be a few longer streaks of all male characters, and Rachel Green would not be dubbed the sixth greatest character of the last 20 years.

Just think about that. Rachel, the least quotable cast member of Friends, dubbed superior to over 90 per cent of the other greatest characters. Ahead of Kramer for God’s sake. The mind recoils. Were Rachel’s entrances ever greeted by thunderous laughter and applause? No, generally they were greeted with gape-mouthed awe as viewers ogled her nipple hard ons. But T.H.O.’s do not a great character make.

More statistics:

Number of top 100 that are cartoons of the page, small screen or silver screen = 12.

Number of male cartoon characters in top 100 = 12.

Number of video game characters = 5

Number of male video game characters = 4

Number of comic book superheroes = 1

Now, those first few stats just help illustrate a point I already made. However, that last one is a little surprising. Tony Stark is the only hero from the whole slew of recent superhero movies to make the list. Hancock is on there but I’m just going to pretend like he’s not; the same way I pretend I haven’t seen that movie. In the villain department Heath Ledger’s Joker, rightfully, is there too. But these are not characters from the past 20 years. Cesar Romero pranced around as The Joker on television in the 1960’s; and Iron Man debuted on the pages of Marvel Comics in the 60’s. If you’re playing this fast and loose with the rules, EW, why not include Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine? Or Yoda? I know the prequels stunk but it would have been nice to see at least one character from the trilogy on there.

Number of children’s characters = 4 (Shrek, Woody, Elmo, Spongebob)

It’s great that the makers of the list could get in touch with their inner children and include that lovable fluffy crew, but I think it’s inclusions like that prevented actually deserving characters from receiving the recognition they deserved. Like what’s with Alec Baldwin, John Goodman, and Bill Murray not appearing on the list once? Some of the most loved comedic, character actors of this generation and they’re beat out by an emotionless, mute video game space marine in at 59? While Johnny Depp is in the top 15 twice, those fine actors (with a combined 188 IMDB listings since 1990) were denied a single spot.

Now is the part of the article where I complain more about the different characters that got left off the list. How about Harry and/or Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber? What about John Maclean from the Die Hard films? Stifler from American Pie? Jamie Kennedy’s much-loved character Randy from the Scream films? If Tony Stark and The Joker made, why not Indiana Jones? Or Rocky? Or Rambo? I’m not stuck in the past though – some other more current characters that I’m wild about, and who I think can compete with the House’s and the Don Draper’s (who both really seem to have been put in as after thoughts) of the world, include Walter White from Breaking Bad, or maybe Charlie or Frank from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

In closing… Rachel? Really? If we’re judging character and looking at Friends we’re really not going to choose Chandler? Really?